So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
