I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
