I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
