when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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