Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
