smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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