Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
