Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
even my farts smell like vagina
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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