Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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