I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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