We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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