I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
