What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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