I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
