I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
