I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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