She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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