So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
