I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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