3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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