One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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