He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
