you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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