I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Someone came in the potted fern
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize