her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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