dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I could make wine with my vomit
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
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