im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
