No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
