Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
