I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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