Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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