We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
