I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
