you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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