That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize
