I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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