It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
