this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
