Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
