All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
