im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
