Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
