just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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