i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
