A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
