A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
