Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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