If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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