Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
