I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize