I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You've changed since you got that strap on
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
