If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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