If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
