i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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