Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
