The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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