Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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