I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
