just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
