I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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