first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
