3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
