I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
