Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it's like iHOP with fire
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize