So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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