He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
