My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
