I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
