she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
