My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
